Sleepless Nights
by QueenMabOnTheEnterprise
Summary: Just another Hell Dream fic. First thing I wrote after seeing the musical so sorry if it's not great. McPriceley.


Elder Price had become more comfortable with Uganda since he and his fellow missionaries had been excommunicated from the Church of Latter-Day Saints. In hindsight, it probably would have been better if he'd adjusted before that, but it was too late now and he didn't really care anyway.

All the missionaries had changed considerably since then. Because they didn't have to follow the rules anymore, they could be themselves, which was interesting to see. They'd also been able to think about what they wanted from life more.

Elder McKinley had changed most of all. The main thing was that he didn't try and turn anything off anymore. He was still coming to terms with the fact that he could embrace his sexuality though. After so long keeping everything hidden, it would always have taken a while to get him comfortable with himself.

Elder Price had become very close with Elder McKinley. In fact, Elder Price had been the person who had helped Elder McKinley realise that it was okay to be gay. Since he'd had his little crisis, Elder Price had come to the conclusion that it didn't matter what people were like so long as they were good people. He had therefore been kind to Elder McKinley, showing him that being gay wasn't a problem. And it was still taking time, but Elder McKinley was coming to accept that.

That didn't, however, stop his hell dreams.

They were no longer every night, that was true, but Elder McKinley continued to wake up late at night in terror at his dreams. The other Elders were used to it, but Elder Price still found it rather disturbing to be woken in the dead of night by a scream or yell. On these occasions, Elder Price would sometimes get out of bed, leaving Elder Cunningham snoring to himself, and go and check on Elder McKinley. He knew Elder Thomas was Elder McKinley's companion and it should have been his problem, but he felt somewhat protective of the District Leader.

They called each other by their first names now: Conner and Kevin. All the Elders had abandoned the formality that they had once addressed each other with. They did still call each other by their Elder name, but mainly when they were annoyed or being sarcastic. Or doing condescending impressions of Conner.

A few months after being excommunicated, Kevin woke up in the middle of night. It wasn't because of Elder McKinley. He just couldn't sleep. After a few minutes of trying to get back to sleep, he gave up and pulled himself out of bed with the idea of going and getting a coffee. He'd discovered that he really liked coffee. Really, _really_ liked it.

He got himself dressed and wandered into the living room, blinking to wake himself up. He was surprised to find a light on by the sofa. It was the only source of light in the whole room, and it attracted Elder Price greatly. He became instantly curious as to what it was and decided to investigate.

He went over to it quietly, a little nervous for some reason. He drew closer to it, and saw that it was casting it's rays over a figure on the sofa. Kevin became even more intrigued and came right up to the sofa. The figure didn't notice him, but he knew immediately who it was.

"Conner?"

Elder Conner McKinley jumped in surprise at the sound of Kevin's voice, and looked up at him somewhat guiltily. Elder Price noticed that his eyes were a little red, as though he had been crying, but there were no tears on his face.

"Kevin!" he said with a faint laugh. "What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same question." Kevin replied.

"Oh, I... I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither."

Kevin settled himself down next to Conner, who shifted uneasily in his seat. He left a distance between them,s which told Kevin he was in one of those moods. He'd had a hell dream again. He didn't like being touched after hell dreams.

"So what was it this time?" Kevin asked carefully, observing Conner for any signs of serious upset.

"What do you mean?" Conner asked innocently.

"We both know why you're up, Conner." Kevin rolled his eyes. "You had another hell dream."

"Yeah." Conner admitted quietly. Kevin sighed. In some ways, he was the only person who really knew Conner. Normally, the District Leader did everything with a smile, denying his sexuality, talking about his hell dreams. But Kevin knew that he was always crying inside, trapped behind a mask that he'd been forced to wear all his life. He'd made progress, but he wouldn't ever say the words 'I'm gay'. He never talked about it. He only ever talked about being 'himself'. Sometimes Kevin wished he would hurry up with the whole thing, but he understood that it would take time.

In fact, there lay another thing that Kevin had been thinking about recently. Knowing Conner had confused him. He thought about Conner a lot, actually. He liked him, a lot. In fact, Kevin was beginning to realise that his affection for Conner might not have been strictly friendly. He'd been in Kevin's hell dream, for goodness' sake! That meant something, though Kevin wasn't sure what exactly. He knew that Conner had a crush on him, of course (everyone knew that because Conner was so ridiculously indiscrete about it), but the idea that Kevin might have a crush on him was a little weird.

Kevin had never really thought about his sexuality much. He had always been too focused on being the best to have any time for relationships. However, he'd always assumed he would find a girl eventually. But being so close with Conner was making him question that. There were plenty of times when Kevin would find himself thinking about how cute Conner was, how funny he was, how he had such a beautiful smile and how much he liked spending time with him. Kevin wasn't really sure how he felt about possibly being gay. He didn't really care. After everything else that had happened to him, there was no point feeling guilty. He'd realised that guilt was pointless if you were borderline atheist, and if God was real it seemed unlikely he would hate someone for being a little different.

Kevin looked at Conner. He has his knees pulled up to his chest, resting his chin on them. This, Kevin had learned, was his thinking position. It generally wasn't a good thing.

"Conner, you know you can talk to me about it." Kevin prompted him.

"I know." he replied. "It's just... so difficult to."

"Why?"

"Because I'm kinda traumatised by them." Conner explained. "I don't like to talk about them because they scare me and because no one wants to hear about my problems. It's better turning them off."

"I thought we agreed no more turing things off." Kevin cooed.

"I know." Conner sighed, like a child who knew that their mother was right.

"So, what's the problem?"

Conner shut his eyes tight and took in a breath. Kevin shifted closer to him, seeing his distress.

"It's so hard." he whispered. "I'm trapped in the middle of everything. It would be easier to accept myself, but I just can't! All my life I've been told that I'm wrong, and..."

He took in another shallow breath. Kevin knew the tears were coming before they even started to fall, and he wrapped his arms around Conner in a warm and reassuring embrace, telling him that he was safe. This knowledge seemed to comfort Conner, and he let his tears fall freely, crying quietly into Kevin's chest. And Kevin let him because he that was what Conner needed.

Oddly, there was something pleasant knowing that Conner was so close and trusting.

"I'm a horrible person." he sobbed into Kevin's shirt.

"What? No you're not." Kevin contradicted him.

"Yes I am." he pushed. "I'm all wrong inside and Heavenly Father hates me for it!"

"No, he doesn't and no you're not." Kevin told him sternly. "You are not wrong. You're just fine." He paused, then, taking a risk, added, "You're perfect."

"But my dad:" Conner continued, "he always says that being gay is disgusting and horrible ,and if I were like that he'd hate me forever! I'm a burden on myself and everyone else. I should just... kill myself."

Kevin's heart pounded in panic.

"Don't you dare!" he said warningly. "Don't even say that. No one would benefit from you being dead, and there's nothing wrong with you Conner. NOTHING! Don't think you're a freak because you're not! And you're just a kid: you're not a burden. Of course you're not. You're a wonderful, kind, amazing person. It doesn't matter what other people say. There is nothing wrong with being a little different to what people want. I love the way you are."

Conner raised his head, his tears subsiding a little.

"Y-you do?" he stammered.

"Yeah." Kevin smiled. "You're great. You're better than great. You're perfect."

He stared down into Conner's sparkling, tearful blue eyes, waiting for him to respond. Conner looked honestly surprised by what he had said. He had clearly never expected Kevin Price to ever say such a thing to him. He was usually so reserved about his emotions, but then both of them were different when they were alone together.

Hesitantly, Conner raised his head up closer to Kevin's, and he pressed his lips to his in a gentle, but fairly nervous, kiss. Kevin didn't move, but his eyes half closed. He would have closed them all the way, but he wanted to see how happy Conner looked in that moment.

After a moment, Conner pulled away again quickly, earning a very confused look from Kevin.

"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry!" he said hurriedly. "I'm such an idiot! Of course you don't want to kiss me, what was I thinking? Now you probably think I'm some kind of creep!"

"Conner."

"If you don't want to be friends with me anymore, I totally understand. I just wish that I wasn't so stupid!"

"Conner."

"It's just, you've been so nice to me and I thought... well, it doesn't matter what I thought, but I'm wrong and I shouldn't have been so assuming of your feelings, and I'm sorry because -"

"Conner McKinley, would you listen to me?" Kevin laughed, turning his friend's face gently back towards his. "It's alright. Actually, it's not just alright, it's a more than alright, but don't worry about it." Kevin knew Conner was rambling to him. Conner always rambled when he was nervous or apologetic, and Kevin thought it was adorable. The only problem was, once he started, it was almost impossible to stop him.

"But it's not because I know that you don't share my feelings and it would be terrible to try and force them on you like that, so I shouldn't have tried to kiss you because you're not... I mean, just because I am, doesn't mean -"

"Oh, Conner." Kevin smiled, silencing the older boy with a kiss of his own. Conner seemed surprised, and he attempted to pull away, probably to ask a question, but Kevin was not having that. He moved a hand to the back of Conner's head, keeping him pressed against his lips and running fingers through his auburn hair. Much to his pleasure, after a second more of slight resistance, Conner melted into the kiss and flung his arms around Kevin's neck. They entered into a strange state of almost euphoric bliss, and Kevin decided that he was never kissing anyone else but Conner _ever_ again. The kiss was messy, passionate and wild, and Kevin loved every god-damn second of it.

He was so caught up in the business that he didn't really register the fact that Conner was pulled him down by his tie. Eventually Kevin ended up sprawled on top of Conner, still kissing him like there was no tomorrow, which was a pretty good feeling if Kevin was being honest.

It took them a long time to stop. Neither of them wanted to, but after a while they did actually have to breathe properly. And their breathing was heavy. Their eyes took a while to open, and Kevin looked down at Conner, who was looking rather flustered and incredibly hot, the biggest smile on his face imaginable.

"See," he laughed, "it's alright."

"Wow." Conner said quietly. "I... didn't expect that."

"Well, you would have if you were a little more observant." Kevin told him.

"But, you're not... are you?"

"What do you think?"

Conner blushed and Kevin smiled to himself, lowering himself down to Conner again and pressing his nose to his. Conner chuckled and nuzzled Kevin like a puppy, making him laugh.

"So," Kevin prompted hesitantly, "are you going to say it?"

"A little early on, don't you think, Kev?" Conner smiled.

"Not that." Kevin rolled his eyes. "Are you going to tell me? That thing that you keep wanting to say." Conner realised what Kevin was talking about and looked down nervously, playing with Kevin's tie.

"I don't know." he murmured. "I'm not sure if I can."

"Well, it'll be a little silly if you can't say it now." Kevin pointed out. Conner laughed quietly to himself, but he still looked worried. "Hey," Kevin smiled, stroking his hair in comfort, "I'm right here. You can do it. I know you can."

Conner looked back at him and Kevin took his hand in his for support. Conner breathed and sat up a little way. He looked Kevin in the eye and calmed himself.

"Kevin." he began seriously.

"Darling." Kevin smiled, and Conner laughed.

"Shut up or I won't say it." he said, giving his friend a gentle nudge. He sighed and tried again. "Kevin," he breathed, "I... I'm... I'm..." He paused a moment, trying to calm himself down again. Every time the words got stuck in his throat and he couldn't quite manage to get them out.

"Don't worry." Kevin smiled. "You don't have to say it if you can't yet."

"No, I'm saying it." Conner insisted. He looked back into Kevin's eyes, which were soft and affectionate, and they seemed to help him find comfort. "Kevin," he tried yet again, "I..." he took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I'm gay." he whispered.

He let out a sigh of relief, and Kevin thought he might cry again, but he didn't. He opened his eyes again and smiled at Kevin, looking so much happier. It was as though a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Kevin smiled back at him and pulled him into a reassuring hug, which he accepted readily, pulling Kevin closer and embracing his warmth.

"Feel better?" Kevin asked him.

"So much." he replied. "Thank you. I needed that."

"You would have done it without me eventually." Kevin told him.

"But I have you." he said. "That's the fact of the matter. And I need you."

"I need you too, Conner." Kevin replied, and he meant it. Conner had become the one who kept him from having breakdowns and who was always there to let him know if he was becoming a little too big-headed.

"Now you have to say it." Conner laughed, and Kevin smiled.

"Conner, I'm gay." he replied. Conner tutted at how easily he had done it.

"That's just not fair." he said with a little eye roll, making Kevin laugh.

"Sorry." he shrugged.

"Don't be." Conner smiled. "But I still don't get it. How are you gay?"

"What sort of a question is that?" Kevin retorted. "How are _you_ gay?"

"Okay, I see your point, but you're _Kevin Price_. You do everything perfectly, follow every rule in the book - or at least you used to - and you're not the sort of person that you'd think was gay."

"Well, I suppose I'm just full of surprises." Kevin shrugged. "And, if you think about it, I've never actually shown any interest in anyone before. I've always been focused on work."

"I shall consider myself honoured." Conner teased. Kevin smiled at this and sighed.

"Think you're ready to come out properly yet?" he tested. Conner considered, but he smiled. Having actually said he was gay out loud, he seemed much more comfortable with the subject.

"Maybe." he reasoned. "It might take a little longer, and just a few more kisses from you."

Kevin smiled to himself again and looked down at Conner affectionately.

"What's the time?" he asked suddenly, wondering whether the other Elders would be getting up soon.

"Who cares?" Conner dismissed the question, flinging his arms around Kevin and crushing their lips together again. Kevin embraced it, wondering to himself why he hadn't had this conversation with Conner sooner?

It took a few days more before Conner was able to come out to everyone else. It wasn't that he was ashamed anymore, it was just that he was worried about how they would react. He had nothing to worry about, because all the Elders loved him too much to give even the slightest care, but Conner was a worrier and he worried about it.

There had been tears. Lots of tears. Mostly from Conner, but Elder Thomas and Elder Church had been so moved by what he told them they'd cried too. And of course Elder Cunningham had started crying as well, though that was mainly because other people were crying.

But after that, things settled back into a normal routine. Things seemed much better now that all the turning it off had stopped, and there were a few more emotional conversations that had been kept inside previously. The funniest thing, however, had been everyone's reaction to Kevin coming out as well. They'd been just as surprised as Conner had. But when Kevin told them Conner and he were an item, the reaction had been quite different to the one he had expected.

"AWW!" everyone had cried.

"'Aw'?" Kevin repeated. "What do you mean 'aw'?"

"That's so cute!" Elder Neeley said.

"You guys are totally adorable together!" Elder Church agreed.

"I ship it!" Elder Thomas squealed.

"You what?" Elder Zeldar questioned.

"You know. Ship it!" Elder Thomas replied.

"What does that mean?"

"Oh, well... oh, I can't be bothered to explain. Have a pop tart."

But the best thing about the whole experience was,

"Kevin! They've stopped!"

Kevin looked up just in time to catch Conner as he jumped into his arms.

"What?" he questioned confusedly. "What are you talking about?"

"My hell dreams!" Conner elaborated with a smile. "They've stopped! I haven't had one for a whole four weeks!"

"Conner, that's great!" Kevin smiled. "I told you everything would be alright, didn't I?"

"I just don't feel guilty anymore." Conner laughed, and Kevin loved to see him so happy and excited.

"And you shouldn't." he smiled.

"Kevin Price, you're wonderful! Kiss me right now!"

Kevin was only too happy to oblige.


End file.
